My Adventures in Australia

I have to say, that after the Thanksgiving run in with family and other people around Norwood, I am pretty happy with where my life sits right now. Sure, sometimes I feel like I took the express track, but I have been meeting every single goal I ever set for myself. I graduated from a great college and then shortly afterward got a good job that I enjoy (most of the time). I found Matt and we are still going strong. We are about to close on a beautiful house in an awesome neighborhood. We have a champion-bred puppy who we love to death, even though he is a butthole sometimes.

Maybe I am not out clubbing and partying like a lot of people my age, but I don't think that I enjoyed that scene too much when I was in it anyway. Yep...life's good now.

Even though she is gone from the USA, that doesn't mean she is out of my (or more importantly, Matthew's) life. I find their relationship, friendship, whatever you want to call it extremely inappropriate and stressful. Why is she messaging him the moment he gets online? Why does she insist on seeing him before she leaves? More importantly, why is he insisting on seeing her?

What baffles me is that I have made it clear that I am not comfortable with him seeing or talking to her. I have made my position clear as day, that it would make me very happy if she were gone and out of his life. And yet that doesn't matter. Yes, he did not see her "that much" while she was in ATL, but he still saw her at least 3x over the course of a couple of months. And I am sure that they spoke on the phone many more times than that, let alone facebook messaging or whatever during the day. The thing that upsets me the most is that he doesn't care that it is killing me. If he made it clear that I was hurting him by doing something, I would at least try to fix the problem by stopping. Why is she worth fighting with me over? Why do I have to throw a fit in order to get my message across? In my opinion, it should not have to come to it.

It's not fair to me because I don't have relationships with any of my exes. Matt will never have to be in the position that I am in now. And if he were, if I were talking to someone I dated and it made him uncomfortable, it would not be an issue -- I WOULD STOP. In my opinion. there is no one on this planet besides my family who would come before him. Why is it different the other way around?

I know that Matthew likes holding on to friendships -- that is why so many of his friends are from middle school or earlier. That's why I was able to start dating him even though we had met 2 years earlier. But this one has got to go.

I watched his wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving you
Just watch my wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving...

Well it appears that the current bane of my existence is back in the States, and I couldn't be more displeased. I get a miniature anxiety attack at the mention of her name, and essentially melt down. I know that I should at the very least have some sort of control over my emotions, but I just don't anymore. The mere mention of that whore and I feel like I can't breathe.

And it's not a matter of me feeling inferior. For the first time in my life, I am positive that I am more attractive on all fronts. I am younger. I am much more beautiful. I am skinnier. I am probably a ton smarter than her too. But how am I supposed to feel knowing that they lasted three years. I have not been with anyone even close to that long. The only thing I have to compare is Matthew, and that has been nearly 9 months now...and I don't think that I would ever get over him if something were to split us apart. Is it stupid to feel threatened? And then there's the fact that I am still not over my parents separation. They lasted twenty something years, and now my dad is dating a supposed old friend of our family. In the scheme of things, this is still a young relationship. It feels like we have been together forever because we have been moving so quickly, but it is still a young relationship. It's still fragile. It can still break at any moment.

And I know that my paranoia, anxiety, and meltdowns are not making things any better. It's making Matt upset too, and I feel like I am digging my own grave. If I think that he could remember what it was like with her, am I just reminding him to do just that? I feel like I did that with Chris - my own insecurity ended up driving him away. I need to buck up and at least pretend that I am okay with this, because things are not going to go well for at least the next two months unless I do.

But it's so hard when it feels like my heart is already breaking.

Matt and I decided to take it to the vet after all. Basically I couldn't deal with looking at the tank without having a mental breakdown. I guess the stupid turtle grew on me. A few memories I want to post for my own benefit:

• It was originally my idea to get turtles -- after breaking my elbow and seeing how cute and active the turtles at the orthopaedic office were, I became hooked. I kept saying I was going to kill Matt's Pacman frog in its sleep...so that we would have room for a turtle tank in the studio apt. Well, less than 2 weeks later, the Oscar the frog croaked on its own. I felt awful of course, but that put things in motion pretty quickly to get turtles as pets. We went to I think 3 different Petsmarts, but at one of them had this turtle that was not like the others. First off, its shell was a lighter yellow-brown compared to the dull and dark shells of the other turtles. Secondly, it was hyper and driving the other turtles in its tank crazy. The second time we checked in on it, it was just off swimming on its own, all of the other turtles too bothered to hang around it. I was hooked and called later that night to make sure it was still there so I could bring it home the next day. We took it out of its tank at the store and it was really shy -- it took a few minutes for it to warm up and come out of its shell (literally). I almost turned my back on it, but then its personality came out and I fell in love for the second time. I bought it and couldn't go five minutes without peeping into the box I brought it home in to see what it was up to.
• Luckily the two turtles live in harmony in our tank, but we noticed that they never went onto the basking dock. We thought maybe they didn't know how to get up there, so we decided to give the turtles an incentive to climb. We put their favorite snack -- freeze-dried shrimp -- on the dock in hopes it would lure them up. It did, but they wouldn't stay up there. They would grab a shrimp and slide back down the ramp to eat it in the water. We thought it was hilarious that our turtles were so stupid -- until we looked up that they can only eat in the water.
• Today when I was taking my turtle to the vet, it would not stay put in the box. Even though my turtle had been lethargic and hardly moving the past few days, it snapped back to life when I was bringing it to get checked on. I almost got into several accidents today because I had to keep putting it back in the box so it wouldn't climb out. It was cute though, I decided she wouldn't be able to climb all the way out, but its front feet and head were popped out of the box and looking around my car and out the window. The most dog-like I've ever seen a reptile.

Maybe it's because it came from a pet store or maybe it's just bad luck, but my turtle isn't doing so great. He has not been eating, and yesterday he even threw up, although I don't know what he had in him to puke. He had been making these sqeaky-wheezy noises for at least a week now, and Matt and I had been laughing about it, writing it off as some weird turtle thing that we didn't know about. But it turns out he WAS wheezing, and his symptoms now point to a respiratory infection. Last night he just seemed lethargic, but today he has been doing some weird stuff. He was walking around in circles on the dock, taking huge gulps of air through his mouth. He keeps sticking his head into the water from the dock too.

I keep getting really upset, but I am not sure what the cause of my feeling exactly are. On one hand, I hate to see an animal that I have grown somewhat attached to clearly being uncomfortable and in pain. If I don't take it to a vet it will most likely die, but I don't know how long this ordeal will drag out. But for a $20 turtle, it seems ridiculous to pay $60 for a diagnosis alone plus whatever medicine they decide to put him on. Spending $90+ on care for a turtle that costs a fraction of that? And what if I go through all of that and they either say it's too late or it doesn't even end up working? I think the real reason I am getting upset is because I feel guilty that I find an animal to be as expendable as I am treating it. Shouldn't I be attached to the point where it's not even an option not to care for it? If it were a dog or a cat, it wouldn't matter if the bill racked up to $500. But since it's a turtle, something that I don't cuddle with but instead watch from its tank, it doesn't deserve that level of care? Does that make me a terrible person? 

I talked to my mom and she said that I gave the turtle a good life while it lasted, and that I shouldn't feel bad about not wanting to do anything and everything to bring it back to health. I feel like I am in this catch 22 -- I feel guilty about NOT spending the money, but I won't be happy if I do either.

I wonder how long it will take me to get over this. Maybe I'm not cut out to be a pet owner.

First and foremost....after practically a year of searching, scouring the net, joinging Careerbuilder and other such sites...after the hell of going over my resume with Matt...after interview after failed interview...I FINALLY HAVE A JOB!

And not only a job where I'm like...well, at least I don't have to look for a job anymore. It's actually a job that I am excited about, one that from the beginning I enjoyed talking about with Matt or my mom when they asked me what jobs I was interviewing for. It's for Pinnacle Promotions, a company that can put your logo on basically any kind of promotional product (from apparel to golf bags to pens to whistles). I will be an Account Coordinator, which means I am in charge of everything starting from the sale being finalized until it is delivered. It doesn't seem complicated, but the quantity of accounts you're looking over at any given time makes time management very important. But the COOLEST part of the job is that they are already looking to place me in search engine optimiazation (SEO) after my promotion in 6 months to a year. It's a section of marketing that's new, constantly changing, challenging, and really attractive to be well-versed in. Another cool thing about the job is that everyone there is really young and nice. Hopefully I'll be making friends AND money!! And we get to wear jeans everyday. I've got my eye on a pair of Seven's already...

Another thing that's exciting is that I get along really well with Matt's family. I mean I never thought that I wouldn't...but there's a difference between being tolerated and being liked. And I am pretty sure that they legitimately like me. Whenever I went to a Brown family reunion in Rochester, my cousin Nick always had a different girlfriend (until he got married a year ago). I always wondered how the family seemed so transitioned to the new girl so easily, and treated her like she had been with us from the beginning. I bet it's partly because Nick was so into her that the rest of the family wanted to like the girlfriend. I hope that's not the case with me though -- I would rather them ACTUALLY like me than just try to because they know how much I mean to Matt.


YAY JOB!!!

Matt's supposed "best friend." The one who chimes in whenever she's having a bad time in Europe. The one who was living on his couch and probably hooking up with him before she left for Spain and I came into the picture. The one who used to date him.

I know that I have read a MILLION articles in Cosmo, Seventeen, whatever growing up about this same issue and laughed to myself. Those girls are controlling and paranoid. They are going to fuck up the great relationships that they have...and probably not even realize that it's their doing. I'll never be like that...

And yet here I am. The girl consumes his past facebook photos. Sitting on his lap. Kissing his cheek. Whatever. Drives me nuts. Even though I know it's the past and I am the present/future/whatever. When I hear a few dings from his computer from Skype, I know it's HER. And I tell myself to relax, calm down, but I can't help tensing up and transforming into this jealous bitch whose day has been ruined...and for WHAT? Because an ex who is now a friend wants to talk to him? 
Today I was considering accepting Matt's mom's friend request on facebook and stumbled upon her wall. She had written Happy Mother's Day on the mom's wall...and they had a little conversation through comments. Apparently she's going to be visiting in mid June or possibly staying in Atlanta. So this girl has an IN WITH THE FAMILY as well as a history with my boyfriend?

It's going to take all the energy I have not to fight with Matt over seeing her. Personally, I want nothing to do with her. But oh shit, I live with him now. In a studio nonetheless. So when she comes to visit and coo over OUR TURTLES, I won't have anywhere to sit and pout and be annoyed. Oh and I suck at controlling my look of death glare. She's going to be catching a lot of those.

I wish I just knew what would make me happy so that I could go for it and forget everything else. I know that Jenn had to make a big decision -- go to Penn because that's what SHE really wanted, or go to NYU to make her relationship with Vikas more convenient. At least she had the benefit of knowing and understanding that she would be happier at Penn.

As for me -- I suppose that I have the choice to stay with Matt and make my job search exclusive to Atlanta, or to potentially sacrifice the relationship for a job. It's hard for me to say which would be the best decision for me. On one hand, knowing that I will lose what I have found and developed with Matt since October is devastating. At the same time, I am no longer the person I was when I met him. I am constantly stressed out and depressed -- for the most part because of the blank slate approaching in a mere week. I know that having a plan and a job would make things better...at least at first. And that being said -- what is the point in looking elsewhere? It's not like I even know what I would like to be doing -- so should I just blindly search and apply to jobs that sound kind of cool in different places and hope that I like the career better than the boy? What if I am wrong and lose everything? 

All I know is that something has got to give. I am not the kind of person who can sit around for months and hope a job comes my way. I wish I just had some direction, some advice...anything.

Life has pretty much sucked lately. I'm graduating in 5 weeks and realizing that a majority of the people I have connected with since graduating from High School are either not talking to me anymore or I am barely in contact with, either because I am so consumed with my life with Matt or because they don't live in Atlanta and I am infamously terrible at keeping in touch with people.

It could not have been made clearer to me how much I have isolated myself from the Emory community when I went to the Seniors Sweetwater event last Saturday. Luckily Wooly was there for awhile, and I dragged Matt along, but other than them I hardly talked with anyone. I recognized a bunch of people -- even my freshman roommate, but couldn't think of anything to talk to them about. Plus I don't want to deal with the dreaded "so what are you doing after graduation?" question. Sita found me and Wooly and talked to us...until Shaye and Amanda made it clear that she was "cool" enough to associate with them, and then I did not speak with the girl for the rest of the day. It's disgusting how immature Shaye and Amanda are holding grudges for no reason. If I remember correctly, the reason I no longer talk to Shaye is because of how badly she treated Amanda, and the last time we chatted Amanda and I were on decent terms. Sorry I am not going to crawl up your asshole Amanda....I don't roll like that anymore.

Then there's the whole over-booked schedule I gave myself this semester. This is my LAST SEMESTER AT EMORY...I was so excited to finally be taking classes that actually interested me -- Brand Management, the one thing I thought I was passionate about and wanted to pursue as a career, turned out to be a disappointing flop. My other marketing class is so jam packed with group meetings that I don't even care how the final result turns out anymore -- I just want it to be over. The only class that engages me is Law...and that's because I have a fantastic teacher. She scared me into refusing to skip a class, and she is interesting and entertaining enough to pay attention to without any problems. I wish I had more teachers like that throughout college. I wonder if I could put her as a reference instead of someone else on my list...anyway back to what I was saying. THIS IS MY LAST SEMESTER. Why did I skip Dooley's Ball? Why have I never attended KEGS? Why do I hardly even consider myself an Emory student at this point? 

My days are planned from the moment I wake up at 7 AM until 5:15 if I am lucky, around 9 if I am not. From physical therapy twice a week and then a full day of classes to group meetings on evenings and weekends to working at the shittiest internship I have ever heard of or experienced three times per week, it's no wonder I am completely burnt out. There is not a single day I look forward to until Saturday, and even Sunday kind of sucks because that means that it's almost time to start another week of hell. My only solace rests with Matt -- and that's not fair to him. I can't rely on him to make me happy anymore, and I can't expect him to. I need to find something for me again...once I get the time to I guess. Maybe it can be running...that'd be nice. I'd like to take art classes again if they aren't too expensive. I guess what I really need to do is figure out what I'm doing so that I can determine what I have time for.

What the hell AM I doing next? How many interviews have I completely failed at? I don't know whether it's me or the economy...I like to think that it's me. Well I don't like to...but you know what I mean. I don't like blaming externalities for not getting what I want. I have always thought that my future rests in my hands...unfortunately I have hardly anything to offer at this point.
Passion? Nope
Work ethic? Hardly
Intelligence? Thought I had it

All I have are a couple of brand names plastered on my resume, and hopefully a guy interviews me and notices my ass or something. Maybe Hooters is the future after all.

Is this depression?

Ugh I just completely freaked out and I am pissed at myself for both going down this path and for letting myself get this far at the same time. Matt said something mean to me in frustration and it just spurred this entire train of thoughts that have basically been bothering me for at least an hour now. It started as me being pissed at myself for letting me care so much about what he says that some stupid comment will just set me off and ruin my evening. Then it led to me thinking that I am too deeply involved with him period. If I can't handle one comment, what am I going to do when he changes his mind and doesn't want to be with me anymore? And then I tried to rationalize and say that I was being stupid, but what evidence do I have that disproves how easily and quickly things can change? My parents split up seemingly all of a sudden after 14 years of marriage. I know a ton of couples who went out for years and then just didn't make it. It's happened to me before when I didn't see it coming. Right now all of my eggs are in one basket. I feel like I am setting myself up for some extreme heartbreak.

At the same time I can't bear for things to change. Guess I'm screwed

I don't know if you still read this but I don't care.  I need to get this out and it's the only venue that I can think of for the moment. Today you said that you would move to Charlotte if that's where I ended up. I don't know why, but I was really taken aback. I guess I shouldn't have been -- I know how much you care about me but I try to keep that on the back burner of my mind...no one has ever said anything like that with conviction like you did today. I couldn't even get a boy back in NJ to come visit me in Atlanta for a weekend, and you would consider leaving everything -- your friends, your family, your hometown, your LIFE -- just to be with me? 

On one hand it makes me elated that you are that serious about me and that when you say that you really like me...you aren't just saying that. Not that I thought you were just SAYING that...but this statement put real weight on it. What you said kind of transformed us into we really like spending time together and having a great time to us having a real future. I guess I have never been in that situation and was really taken off guard.

I know this is all rambling and doesn't make sense....but it's all I got for now.

God I feel like such a lame-ass writing an analysis of those Twilight series, but I was thinking about why the hell I enjoy them so much and finally think that I am on to something. I have recently finished the third book and despite the plot consisting of nothing other than Oh my god I wonder if he likes me as much as I like him and I don't want to hurt Jacob but I have to be with Edward, blah blah blah blah BLAH, I cannot seem to put down these books. And I finally think I understand why. I can relate to Bella and her insecurities so freaking well. For most of my dating life, I have chosen to be with people who somehow make me feel inadequate. Either they are (in my opinion) out of my league physically, socially, intellectually, something. I always wonder why someone chooses to be with me and can never come up with reasons. Most recently I find myself thinking that more than ever.

Matthew is so great. He's charismatic as an understatement, funny, confident, ridiculously knowledgeable about basically everything, attractive, motivated....in other words he isn't exactly lacking anywhere. And don't get me wrong -- I adore every characteristic about him, but it makes me wonder what the hell I am bringing to the table. Even as I sit in front of my computer, I can't really begin to list anything. I don't understand why he not only chooses to be with me, but appears to never get enough of my company. I want to ask him why but I am afraid to reveal the full depth of my insecurity because I can remember how opening up like that has ruined things for me in the past. Basically I'm just waiting for him to wake up from whatever spell I inadvertantly put him under and realize that I am really not so great after all. That day's going to suck.

Back to Twilight and Bella. Bella is this ordinary girl -- in the books she has never been described as particularly beautiful -- if anything I had imagined her as awkward looking until I saw her casted for the first movie. She is insightful but not very smart -- she makes average grades in school and seems to struggle. She is introverted and doesn't like attention, so I suppose that makes her geniune compared to the catty girls in high school who just want to be noticed. But what is it about her that attracts not only Edward, the physically perfect, chivalrous, mysterious, lusted after vampire boy who not only is intelligent but can read minds but also Jacob, the loyal, fun-loving, adventurous, warm, friendly werewolf? Why are they both so fixated on this average girl? What makes her so great? After reading three books I still don't see it.

I am torn between feeling like a bad person and feeling so angry that I can hardly see straight. I feel like I am constantly giving to my friends, making sure that everything works out for them, and it is always at my expense. Why can't I hang out with my friends without me wishing I had just not gone out at all? At the date party the other week, I had to sober myself up and fix Mary Ann's situation by riding back to campus with her and her date and then coming back with her ID. Was it MY fault that she didn't bring an ID? No. Was I her date? Nope. Why did I feel obligated in making sure she had a good night? 

And then today. Karla signs me up in helping her plan this dinner party that she decided to have without asking or even giving me any notice other than the invitation sent along with everybody else. Then she gets me to clean up the apartment, hang Halloween decorations, chores chores chores. Which is fine except that I hardly live at this house anymore. I'm not making the place dirty -- why do I have to clean it up? Then the dinner party goes fine except -- oh wait, I am a hostess. I fucking HATE being the host of a party. I have to make sure everyone is having a good time, I don't let anyone help clean, etc etc. And then I volunteered to drive to Moondog's tonight, thinking I would save myself some money by not taking a cab, and besides I don't really need to go pick up guys and be wasted anymore. So the night started out fine, Karla and I were playing Rock Band while pregaming. We get to campus and pick up the Ashley's, and Karla is too fucking drunk to give me directions, resulting in us taking over 40 minutes to drive to Moondog's. Fucking sweet. Oh wait and while we were on the phone waiting for someone to give us directions, Karla opens the door and PUKES OUT OF THE CAR. Sweet. So I am like okay that's it we're going home, and Marshall was like....well I still want to go can you drop me off. By the time we find Moondog's Karla is certain that she is fine, so we park and head over there and I'm not going to lie I had a decent time. Not the best night but not the worst for Moondog's. Anyway Karla is practically FUCKING this sketchy guy on the dance floor, which means I am constantly making sure she isn't doing anything too stupid, because that's just how I am. Because she is so outwardly drunk and dancing like a ho more guys are flocking to her and I am chasing them off, screaming at them grabbing them and telling them to stay the fuck away. But Wooly and I had a pretty good time, and Kate met us there. Kate mentions that Marshall went to a hotel with some guy she met there....uhhh great. Anyway last call etc, Kate and the remaining 3 of us go to my car and we are on the way home and they are begging me for Wendy's. I drive there to find that it's CLOSED, all the while Karla is calling Marshall over and over to check in on her. Marshall finally answers and Karla is like do you want us to go pick you up. VOLUNTEERING me to turn ALL THE WAY BACK AROUND (we are practically on Emory campus by now) to pick her up. Marshall by the way, had maybe 2 drinks. She is fine, sober. Marshall is like yeah sure, so guess what? I had to turn the fuck around and go get this girl, who did not know where her hotel was. Thankfully it wasn't too far away from Piedmont and we get her and take her home. I AM FUMING. Our little outing to Moondog's wasted about 50 miles if not more. Woo fucking hoo. 

Karla gives me so much shit for hanging out with Matthew all of the time, and then when I ditch him for them, things like this happen. 

 It's hard for me to believe it, but I am really happy again. Like deliriously happy. As in even though I have no idea what the future holds in the next year for me, it's hard for me to worry about it. And as much as I hate being dependent on a guy, I am not going to deny that Matthew has a lot to do with my sudden change in outlook. It's funny -- we met at Moondog's two whole years ago, and we got together for the second time since (we did keep in touch -- it wasn't totally random) about a month ago and he charmed me. Didn't think I could handle a relationship right now -- between the father and the lack of time in general -- but it's happening. And I love it. It makes me feel busier, more in demand with my friends, and just happier in general. It's so nice to have someone to call or text for any stupid reason...things you wouldn't bother even your best friend with. It's been so long that I had forgotten what it's like to be at the start of a relationship like this. And tomorrow I think we're going to have sex -- assuming I don't freak out and back out of course. Which is totally possible knowing my history. It's like I want it, but I am so terrified that he'll realize that I'm not good enough and not worth it. I need to get over these self esteem issues....I am getting too old for this. But it's instilled in my brain -- I can't help it. I guess we will see what tomorrow brings...

I get so frustrated when a guy practically begs for my number, asks me three different times to come to his party the following night, and then the only thing I ask is for him to call me the next day to tell me where it is. And guess what....he doesn't fucking call! I do not understand why guys ask girls for their numbers if they have no intention of not following through and calling. It is quite ridiculous. And to be completely honest it's not like I even LIKED the guy all that much -- but it's an ego thing. What changed between last night and today that made him decide that he didn't want me at his party anymore? Whatever...I hate when people say they are going to call and don't -- doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl. If you say you're going to do something -- then fucking do it!!

Ugh I don't know what my issue is but I feel like I have gained a ridiculous amount of weight since coming here and I can't control myself. I mean I have had a lot of issues with food and eating all throughout my life but for some reason that box is being re-opened and food consumes my mind all of the time. When my mind is idle I think about what my next meal is going to be. Even when I am eating something sometimes I will think about what I am going to have next. The meal is never enough, I always want a McDonald's 30 cent ice cream cone, or a Tim Tam or something sweet which leads to me wanting something more and it's just this never ending cycle. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. I am so sick of glancing at my reflection in the mirror and only seeing my flaws. It brings me down and into the worst of moods. It's like I would do anything to lose weight and have the body that I want....except stop eating like shit. So I skip a meal and then I go into this rampage and lose control again. I need to get my act together, start running again, and take better care of myself. I keep having this terrible daydream of myself slipping into obesity. At what point do you finally realize that you ARE overweight and you have a problem? It's not like your friends have the guts to tell you...and most people will just say you're not as fat as you think you are. But what if that's not true?

I am also in a pseudo-funk here in Sydney. It's like I am ready to go home, because a majority of the people I see on a regular basis are beginning to get on my nerves, I miss my family, I hate the house I live in and crave a place that I consider a home instead of a temporary living arrangement, and most of all I just feel really lonely. It's been a really long time since I have been in any kind of relationship, hell Chris and I broke up over a year ago, and I haven't really let anyone else in since then. I definitely think I am ready for something -- at the very least a distraction -- but my life is so unstable that it never has a chance to work out. Obviously I am not going to go looking for Mr. Right (or Mr. Right Here Right Now) when I only have a few short weeks left in Australia, and then I will only be in Jersey for about two months before heading back to Atlanta. As much as I love ATL and everyone down there, sometimes I wish I had chosen a place closer to home where the difference between school and home wasn't so vast. Oh well....not changing anything now.

I am just going to work on conquering this food infatuation and take it from there.

Yesterday was just an overall awesome day. I got woken up around 7:45 am by work and got sent to a pre-school! In my world, that means no diapers to deal with, and older kids means more interaction in general. Babies are so boring...I definitely prefer children. You can play games with them, talk to them, it is just such a better time. Anyway the group of kids was just fantastic and they really took a liking to me from the very instant I walked through the gate. Oh and on top of that, they had just hatched ducklings, so I got to play with baby ducks! Two of the girls, Rosie and her sister Allison, became obsessed with me and literally did not leave my side the entire day. Rosie even made me a drawing...it is adorable. Anyway I get back to Coogee and find that we already had plans for tonight! That hardly ever happens here in Australia - everyone is so laid back that they don't bother making plans. So we -- Me, Heather, Will, Ken, Jason, and Mandy -- all go see the movie 21 with JIM STURGESS who is HOT AS HELL. One of the commercials was against smoking and showed this woman who was dying and had tubes in her nose and everything talking about cancer. I didn't realize it was anti-smoking and slogan at the end said something about quitting and I was like "how do you quit cancer?" which got a laugh out of all of my friends. Sometimes I just don't think before I talk -- oh well we all "stuff up" as they say here in Australia. So we go back home and pregame in Ken's room with beer/boxed wine...just hanging out. We then ventured to Circular Quay to go to the Three Wise Monkeys bar. We were all pretty drunk and it took us awhile to get our bearings, and Jason/Heather really had to go to the bathroom. Ken insisted that we were super close (which we were -- we just passed it accidentally) but we could not find it so while Will went to the ATM with Ken, the three of us went on a quest to use a bathroom. Nowhere for public urination, so we went to the Hilton. Ken called Heather's phone and Jason answered it, and I turned around and they were both gone. Little did I know, they both went downstairs to the bathroom, but I freaked out. I started calling out Heather's name and told the security guy for the Hilton to stop someone wearing a blue dress, brown tights and brown boots and ask if she was Heather and if so to keep her there. I sprinted down the street and ran into Will and Ken and we headed back, only to find them right back at the Hilton. Apparently the guard caught Heather just before she started drunk wandering -- THANK GOD. Anyway I was totally sober by this point and we found the bar and there was this HUGE line. We saw some people going in a different route but you needed to be on a list. Then for no reason whatsoever the guard decided to let us in. Maybe Heather or I had something to do with it -- I do not really remember. Anyway we went straight to the bar and started drinking and then headed upstairs where there was a really good live band playing American cover songs again. We started dancing and Heather got hit on by this Indian ghetto guy and I started talking to this really tall guy and we started dancing and that of course let to making out. Except he kissed really weird -- it was really good at first (REALLY GOOD) and then he started like grabbing my face really hard and pressing it up against mine like every minute or so. It freakin HURT after awhile and I needed out so I said I needed to make sure my friends were still here. I found Will and Ken and the dude followed me so I asked where Heather was and thankfully Will suggested in the bathroom so I checked there and I hear a very familiar voice yelling at her boyfriend. So I go outside and tell the guy (who was waiting for me) that my friend was having boyfriend troubles and to just go have a good time. It took him awhile to get the message but eventually he left. So after dragging Heather out of the bathroom to talk to Will who apparently had a speech prepared (about hunter gatherers or something? it sucked) I hung out with Ken for awhile and realized no one knew where Jason was. So we started bar circling and as I was looking for yet ANOTHER drunk wanderer this guy asked me where I was from. I said America and kind of walked by and he said he was from Boston. At this point I had had my buzz killed so many times I was not in the mood so I kind of bitched him out dissed Boston and walked away. After awhile I cooled down and apologized because they really didn't do anything to me. We started talking and they were pretty nice -- both named Brian. I think I gave the Bostonian my phone number but I doubt he will ever call or that I will ever want to see him again. Anyway it was a good night overall.

Okay so I wanted to make sure that I got this all out. I was just sitting waiting for the internet to pop back up and try to upload some TV while I had some thoughts. So I was thinking how cool it is that I am one of the few Americans I will know to have gone to Australia. I mean as a country we hardly travel international at all, and if people do it is rarely to AUSTRALIA...more like Europe because it is so much closer and more chic. Then I started thinking that maybe they won't go to Europe if the euro keeps appreciating and the USD keeps depreciating as it is going...it might one day be cheaper to fly to Australia and vacation there if the the cost of living/visiting rises because of the euro in Europe. Then I was thinking, well we, as in the US of A, will bounce back from this recession and become a major world power again, right? We won't fall to China and India and Europe will we? I mean they are growing as populations and as countries, and it seems like we are on the decline. Then I was like no, we are the United States, we have too much power and history to go down as a nation. But then....do you think the Roman citizens ever thought that the would one day not be a world power? What about the Greeks? And whoever before that? Do you see what I am saying...that this could be the beginning of the end for us as THE world power. Imagine our children's children reading about the end of the US empire or something in their social studies textbooks. Weird

Oh and I solved a mystery of the Jewish religion a few weeks ago....the reason men wear yamikas is because it is the PERFECT DISGUISE for bald spots.

I hate how the internet here at my house is anything but consistent. In my opinion, I paid good money for a facility that guaranteed me to be near the beach, with satellite TV and free internet, in exchange for hostel-esque (aka shitty) facilities. While we are still close to the beach and get satellite as long as we don't make the house too messy, the internet is complete crap here. There is absolutely no reason why we should not consistently have a signal. I could understand it being slow at times, but to cut out every five minutes is just ridiculous and unacceptable

I also hate how Andrew thinks he can just mooch off of me whenever it is convenient for him. Does he really think that I have forgotten all of the terrible things he said to me that night? And I was nice enough to let him borrow my Dell before the Vaio broke, which just happened to have my memory stick in it. And guess what? Not only did he keep the stick hostage in his room while he was in Japan, but when I ask for it back tonight he basically says no. Yes it may be your only way to access your paper, but why not e-mail it to yourself like you would have had you not stolen my memory stick? Or better yet..BUY YOUR FUCKING OWN. He told me the other day that he is thinking about leaving early, and I am not going to lie...I kind of hope that he does. He just irritates me. From how he can't go 5 minutes without complaining about something -- whether it's his inability to get ass, his multiple illnesses, his computer, schoolwork, the quality of the house, there is always SOMETHING wrong. You're in fucking Australia man, you are never going to be here again. Why waste a single minute of it? Yesterday I saw the most beautiful sunset...I am so glad I was not too busy sitting on my ass watching South Park to miss it.

Okay sorry that was just a little rant.

So Tuesday night this friend of Heather's from orientation rented out the top floor of World Bar in King's Cross for her 21st birthday, which we decided to go to...and I am so glad that we did! We pregamed with Dominik with boxed wine -- which by the way is not going down easily for me at all anymore (probably because of the Night of Hell aka Kings aka The Night I Destroyed My Computer). Anyway we were pretty drunk and got on the bus and came across the biggest ASSHOLE driver ever...he made us show him the passes and made us pay more instead of cheat the system. Granted, we shouldn't be cheating the system in the first place, but seriously...the bus drivers aren't usually the enforcers of this policy! So anyway we wander towards the bar with a vague direction of where we are supposed to go, and stop at a bottle shop along the way. Heather and I split a 40 of Toohey's, and we had to stop in the park so Heather/Dom could pee. While I was waiting this guy asked me if I wanted to buy any weed. First time ever I got asked! I wonder if I gave off a stoner vibe...probably not because I was wearing this silver dress..doesn't really strike me as a smoker. Oh well. So we find the bar and go to the top floor where the Americans are, and it's kind of dead considering she rented out the entire floor. I guess that's what happens when you have a party on a Tuesday night. Heather Dom and I get a teapot (if you will recall from an earlier entry there is a World Bar in New Zealand and it is exactly the same thing...which is AMAZING!) and I think we get a few beers too I can't really remember. Then at some point we go downstairs where there is a HAPPENING dance floor with great American rock music...I remember Sweet Child of Mine and Wake Me Up Before You Go in particular...and Heather and I had a great time meeting people, dancing, and before we knew it, it was 3 in the morning! I made out with this guy named Skye from England (back to my old habits haha) who was so grungy-cute. He had dread-ish hair if you know what I mean...like not real dreads but still messy and that texture....hot!! Anyway Heather drags me out because...well it was 3 in the fucking morning! And we leave and try to find a bus but find McDonald's first. Then we go the wrong way for a long time and then we end up taking a cab to HIIIGHHH STREEETT again and walk home, projekt mayhem-ing the whole way. I convinced her not to steal the 9 on the gas station again because "that's double jeopardy and I don't know if they have that here" hahahaha what a great night.

Today hopefully we will be smoking some weed and vegging for the day. That'd be nice...if only one of us had a piece or knew how to roll a joint!!!